​I woke up today noticing sadness. It was deep. It was full. And it left me feeling hollow. After a childhood in Israel at a time when terrorist attacks were prevalent, I feel a deluge of anguish at the mere thought of a single child in America, or anywhere in the world, experiencing the same kind of pain. 

But it's not a single child hurting now; there are too many to count. The two year olds and the twenty-somethings. The ones in Las Vegas and the ones in Puerto Rico. Our own children and our child-parts. They all need us! They don't need us to be strong. They don't need us to fix this right now. They just need us--our presence, our love, our attention. 

If you regard all emotions as children, then there's likely a host of little ones knocking at your door right now. In the last hour alone, I have been visited by grief and fear, heartache and worry, sorrow and helplessness. Since, like children, what they want is my attention, I give it. How?

I envision adult-me sitting next to child-me, perhaps child-sadness or child-fear. We sit on a comfy couch. It has a velvety surface and child-me runs her fingers on it. She likes the feeling of soft fabric on her palms. As we sit there, I tell her how much I love her and always will, how I regret not having the power to stop bad things from happening, and how I love her and always will.

Then I listen, whether she speaks or not, I just listen. I stay. No devices. No distractions. I simply offer her my presence. That's all she really wants. That's what all our children want, our emotion-children as well as our offsprings. So before the day ends, if you can, sit next to them, tell them you love them, offer them your undivided presence. This is how we heal. 


May all children as well as child-parts in us always be met with love, 

-- Shira Oz-Sinai

P.S. ​Not sure what I mean about child-parts or what to tell your child? Email, call, or come see me! I'd be honored to share with you what I've found helpful.

P.S.S. When we give our loving attention to our children, it makes them feel safe. For cultivating a sense of internal safety, I highly recommend Root Chakra for Grounding, a downloadable Yoga Nidra meditation. For you and/or your child (appropriate for ages 6 and up).  

Our human bodies are brilliant mechanisms. When faced with imminent danger, they immediately react with a series of internal shifts and changes that prepare us to flee or fight for our survival. The "on" switch for this is, of course, the experience of fear. 

Let's say you're walking outside and all of the sudden you see a poisonous snake, or you're pulling the door open to a coffee shop just as someone carrying an open mug of hot tea is pushing the door out. The fear of an injury or harm (or worse) will pump your body with enough force to take off at the sight of the snake (i.e. flee) or shove the arm that holds the mug to the side without any hot liquid burning you (i.e. fight).  

I'll leave the detailed biological explanation of what exactly happens in the sympathetic nervous system and the adrenal-cortical system to the experts, but I would like to call our attention to the role fear plays in igniting these intricate and involuntary processes that keep us alive when we come up against a threat. If fear is what starts these survival processes, then fear is like a key that unlocks wise old instincts, impulses, and abilities that naturally remain unconscious, or dormant, until they're needed.

Perhaps it's easier to acknowledge the wisdom that fear unlocks when it allows us to run from a hazardous reptile or fend off a 3rd degree burn. But it's likely a lot harder to perceive the wisdom fear is pointing us to when it arises at the memory of a long-ago elementary school incident or an upcoming presidency.

In Chinese Medicine, the emotion of fear is related to the season of winter (more on this at THIS Sunday's workshop). Acupuncturist Debra Kaatz writes, "The Chinese say that fear is governed by our sense of ourself. When we trust, then this trust dissolves all fear" (Characters of Wisdom, 443). 

In non-immediately-life-threatening situations, instead of attempting to defeat fear, push through it, or get rid of it somehow, you may want to turn your attention to fear and ask it what wisdom it can reveal to you today. If you take time to notice fear, see it as the wisdom-pointer that it is, and make it your ally, you may find yourself in agreement with the ancient Taoist text that suggests, "Whoever can see through all fear will always be safe" (Tao Te Ching, Ch. 46, Stephen Mitchell's Translation).

​
May you always see fear for the friend it is and feel safe in its midst,
--Shira Oz-Sinai

P.S. Not sure what I mean? Want to inquire into this some more? Join me in an upcoming meditation or private session. 

​For years now, I've been bringing the light of awareness to the dark places in my past in order to look at, better understand, and tend to the parts of me that were left on "pause."

"Pausing" is a healthy reaction to trauma. It happens when things in the moment simply feel too much to handle. Like during a car accident, while witnessing violence, or when under attack. There might be too much shouting, too much hurting, too much violence, or too much fear. If it feels too much to you in the moment, your nervous system will likely perceive it as an assault and react accordingly.

In these moments, the aware, resourceful, and resilient part of yourself might say, "Time to check out!" In psychology, this checking out or "pausing" is referred to as dissociation, a symptom of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) that often carries a negative connotation. The way I see it, "pausing" is a brilliant human mechanism for survival. If the aware-me recognizes that "this is too much to handle," it simply shuts off the part of me that is experiencing the too-muchness. I'm still alive. I'm still more or less functioning. And, the part that feels the "too-muchness" gets to take a little break. Efficient, isn't it?!

While "pausing" is a real healthy reaction in the moment, it can become a real obstacle when big chunks of your life remain on "pause" and/or when "pausing" goes on automatic (i.e. it happens without you noticing). 

​Typical signs that some part of you went on "pause" are: not remembering what happened during a certain event or time in childhood or later years, feeling not like yourself and unsure as to where the real you has been lately, and feeling as though you stepped outside of yourself and maybe outside of time, too (body present, but the rest of you not so much).

This is by no means a clinical list or a comprehensive one either. These are examples from my own experience and signals that I have learned to watch for as markers of checking out or "pausing." 

When "pausing" goes unnoticed and untreated, it can really inhibits one's movement in life. I mean that literally because it shows up as tension, aches, and pains in the body. But also metaphorically, as emotional blockages hinder your relationships and work, and you feel trapped in limited and limiting patterns of thought and behavior. 

Now, if you're reading this and feeling "this is me!", please do not despair. While we cannot change what happened in the past, we can definitely heal the parts of ourselves that got put on "pause." We can bring these parts to resolution and integration in our whole being. This is true healing, and this past weekend, I got to do just that! (Finish reading HERE). 

Many of us have never felt safe in our lives. On the other hand, some of us have known safety since birth. Regardless of which group you fall into or where you find yourself on this continuum, acts of terror on a massive scale undoubtedly rattle you to your core. It's only natural. In the aftermath of such events, what we desperately need is to reconnect with or (re)construct a sense of safety. But not any ol' kind of safety will do.

Our culture, society, and economic market tend to heavily promote what I call an external, or dependent, sense of safety. "Get insurance and feel safe!" the ads tell us and then prompt us to purchase policies that cover everything from our medical and dental health, our cars and homes, to our computers and credit cards. 

And there's essentially nothing wrong with buying insurance. It may prove quite useful not only in times when you really need it but also in turning the volume down on free-floating anxiety and fear. But what these insurance policies can't do for you is deal with the anxiety. They don't actually meet the anxiety. They don't actually tend to the root of fear. They don't actually help you construct and replenish a sense of safety. They can't. 

There's no external object, policy, or plan of any kind that can adequately meet the underlining and most basic human need for safety. Because it's not external--it's internal.

I know how very hard it is for the mind to grasp this point. I myself have grappled with it for decades. Growing up in Israel amidst suicide bombings, bus explosions, and café/restaurant blasts, all I wanted was to reach out to something that would make me feel safe inside. Something or someone that will guarantee that I was always and completely safe.

So I searched and searched and searched and finally I found it. But it wasn't outside of me as I originally thought. Instead what I found was an internal sense of safety. It's a sense of safety that does not guarantee that everything will be alright. It's a sense of safety that does not guarantee that I will always be ok. It's a sense of safety that does not guarantee a thing other than my continual commitment to always be here for and with myself. (Read more)